29 August 2009


Sometimes people are lucky. They happen to turn the corner at the right time. They strike up a conversation with someone they normally wouldn't have. They accept a date even though they don't think the time is right for them.

Sometimes Love is pure, simple, completing.

I have witnessed this Love. It has been an inspiration and a puzzle. Is there such a thing as a soul mate? A person that binds with you like a second hand that you didn't know you had. Would we recognize this person if we came across them briefly? Would we understand the reward if we completely surrendered ourselves to this rare love.

The woman had a full life, day to day struggles were a heavy burden, and she was a mother and had a higher purpose than herself. The man may not have known what he was looking for, he was driven and had a set path for himself that he was focused on. It may not have been the ideal time in their lives to find one another, but when they came together they both recognized each other as their perfect fit. Their love was unique and they began to shine together. They lifted each other up and each accomplished many great things. Challenges that no normal couple would even consider, were easily achieved together. Small annoyances that would split a weak bond only made their bond to each other stronger. They both loved each other selflessly, just enjoying each moment they have together. They made each other so much better and have lived a very complete and fulfilled left together.

Margaret kissed her husband good bye for the last time last night. He was in so much pain and held on to his life as long as he could, Larry wanted to make sure his beloved wife would be alright without him. They both were completely focused on each other up to the very last moment.

Selfless. Pure. Complete. An Inspiration.

26 August 2009

use it or lose it.

That old adage that says, “You have to use it, or lose it” is so true! I can no longer hula hoop, double dutch jump, and a whole list of other things I’m just too afraid to try! I remember my sister and I doing penny drops (aka. cherry drops) at the playground (this is when you hang on a bar by your knees and swing…when you get high enough you let go with your knees and land on your feet!) all the time. I lived without fear of ever getting hurt…which could be why I’ve had stitches 5 different times. I still occasionally try things I shouldn’t, some of you recall earlier this summer when I wiped out TWICE on my son’s scooter. I’m afraid I’m getting old…and what if I lose it ALL!

So, a week or two a go, a woman I know through work talked to me about signing up to do the mini-marathon with her. For those of you that don’t live in Indiana, the mini-marathon is a kind of a right of passage here, everyone’s done it at least once and many friends of mine continue to run it annually. If you are too slow and go over the four hours of allotted time they pick you up in a bus-of-shame at the end. Really though, you have 18 minutes per mile…I could walk that if I had to, right?! And! They have a beer tent at the end for the participants, so I could be highly motivated near the end.

I signed up. (13.1 miles) I have from now till May 8, 2010 @7:30AM to get ready for this. Hopefully I can find a sports bra that will make it 13.1 miles without anybody getting hurt.

25 August 2009

never a dull night.

Just as I’m beginning to drift off to sleep I hear someone yell.

I sit straight up in bed, eyes searching the dark, heart pounding, and listen so hard I find myself holding my breath.

The moment I decide it was just something in my mind, I hear mumbling…I think I can make out a few words…get them…throw that…

It’s my son; he is up in his bed, sound asleep, flinging his arms around talking up a storm. I reach up and pat his arm and he seems to quiet down some. I'm not convinced that I won't be back again though.

He does this a lot; he seems to have a very active dream life. He’s had dreams about mutant Legos, snakes eating his dogs, dogs eating him, zombie parents; you name it, crazy stuff. I swear that I NEVER let him watch anything even remotely scary.

I remember the first time my husband and I knew he had some sleep “issues”, he was two (almost 3). We kept a gate across his doorway and he never climbed it, when he wanted out he would stand by the gate lean his head out the door and yell for us. One night we heard: Bang...thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump, my husband and I both jumped up and ran into the living room and flipped on the lights. Our child had a glazed over look of fear on his face and was perched up on the back of a chair trying to hold his legs up! We grabbed him and called his name but he was totally out of it. We just tucked him back into bed and he didn't remember a thing in the morning.

I hope he eventually grows out of this, I would hate to think of him out wandering the streets asleep when he moves out on his own. Maybe this will be the excuse I'll have to make him live at home forever.

23 August 2009

fickle indy.

Indy, you've betrayed me, I don't know what to expect of you anymore. When I came to you, I thought it would be familiar but also new and fun. It should feel like home, but lately I just don't recognize you.

In the fall, I expected a damp morning turning to a golden afternoon with the sun warming me, a cool breeze tickling the back of my neck. A moment when I think it's cooling down for good and I am blessed with a reprieve to shorts and sun kissed skin. I long for that warmth, for a gentle deliverance into a cooler time, I need it to slowly remind me of what's to come. Something changed last year, it wasn't the same, I didn't like it.

Along has come August and we seem to be headed into an unpleasent return of what happened last year. It should be hot. and dry. When I'm out, the wind that blows in my face should feel like hot expelled breath. My yard should be parched and desperate for water. Instead, you have turned a cold shoulder toward me, too cold, too fast. I need moderation and a slow change. I'm shocked and not ready for this. I sit outside with my arms wrapped around myself shivering. I don't know what has happened to change you. I long for the old days in my memories. I don't know where things are headed with us.

21 August 2009

something wicked this way comes.

My happy, funny adorable daughter gave me a glimpse into her future teenage years tonight.

On our drive home from running around all day she is tired and cranky and begins a 5 minute crazy tantrum that includes:

1. Her telling me that Daddy loves her and her brother more than he loves me.

2. Bursting into tears because she is thirsty and can't reach her drink.

3. Shredding a cardboard box and telling me, "I think I have an anger issue"

That's right 5 minutes. I can't imagine adding out-of-wack hormones to this fire.

18 August 2009

test dummy.

I am such a sucker for good advertising.

New household cleaning products are my favorite vice. I don’t even know what I’ve been missing until the great commercial comes on with the beautifully dressed mom in full “going out” makeup and pearls using some new product that makes cleaning up so easy. I also drool over health and beauty products, all the beautiful faces and bodies without a blemish or wrinkle in sight. We’ll pay big money to keep us young.

My most recent new product purchase could go into the health and beauty category. This product had clinical trials that prove improved posture, tighter legs and butt, and tighter abdominals. What could possible do this? The ugliest shoes you could ever imagine!! ~Sketchers’ Shape Ups~ I couldn’t help myself, I saw them in the store and they only had two styles, ~ugly white moonshoes~, and ~ugly black moonshoes~, I had to have them!!! I tried them on…and believe it or not they got even uglier, somewhere between a geriatric support shoe to an 80’s moonboot. Still had to have them!!! So I bought them, when the check out girl took them out of the box to check the size in each one she looked up and caught my eye. I felt I had to explain…to praise what wonderful shoes these were going to be…I don’t think she cared. Needless to say I grabbed my bag as soon as I could and rushed out of the store ashamed of paying so much for shoes that I shouldn’t wear in public. I had a plan as to where I could wear them, I work in a lab, wear ugly scrubs and lab coat daily, and so I could easily get away with adding some crazy footwear with that. My husband thought I was insane for buying them and told me I had better wear them. So Monday morning I tied them on… about a half hour into wearing them I have one foot that feels totally numb! I had to untie it, take it on and off, and retie it multiple different times before it felt okay; I’m thinking this is a real quality shoe here. I then went about my busy day, about 7 hours into wearing them I notice that I am leaning against the counters a lot and sitting down as often as I can. You can’t really lean back on your heels, you have to stay up on the ball of your foot and toes because of the shape of the shoe (there is no real heel to them). By the time I get into my car to head home my left calf feels like it’s shaking and it has a knot in the muscle that I reach down and rub at every stop light. Even after getting home and removing the shoes I am rubbing my leg all night! I start to worry that maybe somethings wrong, so I do a little web search on leg pain and come to the conclusion that maybe I have a blood clot in my leg. I know I’m probably over reacting but if anything happens I could be in a comma, like that E.R. episode with the red head from Sex in the City, where she knows everything going on but she can’t talk and tell the doctors what to do. So I tell my husband that I could have a blood clot in my leg and if something happens to me while sleeping tell the doctor that I may have had a blood clot in my leg. He doesn’t know how to handle me sometimes; he seems annoyed and told me to go to the emergency room. I tell him I’m sure I’ll be fine and head to bed. Well, I slept it off, by the morning my leg feels fine and I tied on these dang shoes again today. These shoes had better do what they advertise; I want those tight legs, butt, and abdominals! I’m just afraid that after this is all over I’ll have messed my feet up so much that I’ll have to wear “special shoes” that could look just like these.

I’ll keep ya updated.